Living peacefully on the AS spectrum
Some people on the AS spectrum have regularly told Valérie Gaus, a New York psychiatrist, that they were so different from allistic people that they could be considered another species.
This is hardly surprising, since that description suits us wonderfully. But how do we then welcome these “extraterrestrials”? Do we open every door when they arrive? Should we be afraid, erect barriers, even disinfect the spaces they visit? Do they have a heart and all their organs grouped together in the same place? Are they intelligent? Perhaps even more intelligent than we are? Are they coming to invade us? Should we treat them like intelligent animals, even put them in cages? And above all, keep our distance, because you never know!
Looking for what we have in common.
Yet we, members of the AS spectrum community —whether professionals or AS people—often focus on distinguishing our differences. We thus frequently forget that, beyond these contrasts, every person on the spectrum shares one fundamental point with allistic people: belonging to the same species, with the same origin. We remain human beings and, even though our brains and sensitivity function differently, our humanity continually guides us along the path of evolution.
The keys that help us overcome our difficulties in society are:
willpower, courage, realism, rationality, resilience, the ability to fully experience well-being and pleasure, understanding, foresight, optimism, responsibility, acceptance of our authenticity, having a purpose, perseverance and compassion.
They allow us to avoid being perceived as weirdos (strange people) when those around us constantly remind us that we are different, or even deficient.
Lyrics by Nirvana (grunge band):
When the lights go out, everything becomes less stressful. At last we are together, fully enjoying this moment. I feel both stupid and incredibly contagious.
Here we are now, facing ourselves. A mulatto, an albino, a mosquito (an AS person).
In adversity, I do my best. As for this gift, I feel blessed.
Singer Kurt Cobain, AS himself,
All our prejudices and projections, towards ourselves as well as others, imprison us. JP
Finding strength in your particularities
It is essential to draw on our differences to derive a unique strength from them. Our powers of observation allow us to understand how others project their expectations onto us, redefine these perceptions and thus emerge stronger.
Take the time to examine a list of personal keys. Identify those you already master and, if possible, ask those close to you to help you recognise those that are an integral part of your personality. This outside feedback is valuable for getting to know yourself better.
◊ willpower (built through effort and perseverance) ◊ courage (by overcoming these anxieties) ◊ realism (by accepting things as they are) ◊ rationality (finding the logic, the mechanism, the reason) ◊ resilience (bouncing back to reach your goal) ◊ perseverance (holding firm in all circumstances) ◊ the ability to fully experience well-being and pleasure ◊ understanding (the ability to understand and be understood, the situation, the other person and yourself) ◊ foresight (the ability to understand and anticipate what will happen) ◊ optimism (the ability to see the bright side of things and have confidence) ◊ responsibility (accepting your role and its consequences) ◊ authenticity (remaining yourself in all circumstances) ◊ having a purpose (accomplishing and achieving your goals) ◊ compassion (understanding others and their suffering)
Even if you find only one positive solution, this discovery will help you move forward. Remember that no one possesses all these qualities; they are the fruit of working on yourself!
For each problem identified, define a goal to reach, identify the obstacles and choose positive solutions to overcome the difficulties and adapt your life.
This is one of the keys to overcoming depression, finding self-esteem and loving yourself.
Let's get to work: this concerns everyone, AS and allistic alike!
A personal note on the difficulties of communicating and forming connections.
“I often find myself on the bank of a river, speaking to someone or a loved one on the other side. Suddenly I can no longer hear them, and that person moves away.” Is it from lack of interest? It is the story of my life. Am I the one who moved away, or was it the other person? Am I speaking a foreign language? Does my voice not carry?
Learning to solve problems
Problem-solving strategies allow you to act rationally, step by step, in a situation that might otherwise seem overwhelming or destabilising. Indeed, when you are deeply upset, it becomes difficult to remain objective and your judgement may be impaired. By following these guidelines, you will be able to clarify your thinking and mobilise your strengths to find appropriate solutions.
Solving problems step by step to improve your situation:
● Recognise and name your emotions.
● Organise your thoughts.
● Structure your life.
● Adapt your environment.
● Plan and organise your time.
● Use technology to navigate (smartphone)
● Create a space conducive to well-being and relaxation
● Learn to understand others better.
● Communicate effectively (use a smartphone)