Nunchi
Nunchi is a fascinating concept in Korean culture. It consists, as many autistic people do, of observing carefully to grasp social codes and the dynamics of a group. To survive in the social sphere, these people analyse every interaction and try to adapt to it. It is a slow process, often strewn with doubts, which makes them cautious and sometimes manifests as impoverished social expression, lacking spontaneity.
I come from a family line of four generations on the autism spectrum. Sometimes our reactions, dictated by our passions, can escape our control. Adopting the culture of nunchi could greatly help us navigate everyday interactions better.
A big thank you to Euny Hong!
Rules of nunchi
(Origin: ancient Greece, the Stoic movement)
● ‘You have two ears and one mouth: listen twice as much as you speak.’
● Nunchi is neither empathy nor sympathy; it simply involves perceiving what is happening in the mind and heart of others, without necessarily feeling their emotions.
● You do not have to put yourself in other people's shoes, because you might lose your identity and make yourself vulnerable. The aim is to understand the other person without erasing yourself.
● In Korea, empathy is often perceived in gendered terms: women are considered more empathetic than men. This is not a universal truth, but rather a debatable cultural habit.